2011, So it Begins.

Hello 2011,

     So I know this may seem crazy, but considering the fact that I've never been able to keep a promise to myself by just saying it, I'm trying soemhting new. I've always been better about writing out how I feel than saying it, so why not try right? All I know, is that while everyone else is making New Years Resolutions to lose weight, eat better, get a better job, etc and so on, I am here only wishing to understand and decode myself.
     I'm almost 20 now, and to alot of poeple that is still very young, but when I sit and look at my life and all the trials, tribulations, and outright challenges I've faced, I'm basically 40 emotionally. So I have to ask myself, is this why I seemingly cannot let go and comprehend my own actions and learn how to truly understand my own emotions? I dont know. Maybe it is what someone dear to me once said, maybe Im just too scared, because for some reason unbenounced to me, I really have been scared most of my life. Scared of disappointing those I love, scared of losing my father, scared of being an outcast, scared of not being loved in return, just flat out scared. I dont know.
     Basically New Year, all I want is to be able to open up my soul and put together my puzzle of emotions so I can truly be myself. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to bungee jump off the tallest bridge of life with confidence that when it is all over, I'll be elated and filled with the satisfaction of all my experiences along the way. No more negativity and saying, "I don't know". I want to live happily beside those who love me enough to be honest and open to my mishaps and character flaws. They see so much in me that I know is real and that I could be. I want to be that person. So instead of making a traditional New Years Resolution, I'm making a promise to myself and to those who love me.

THIS YEAR I WILL TAKE ON MY EMOTIONS, LEARN THEM AND CONQUER THEM!
I WILL BE HAPPY!!