A Weekend Away

     When I made my decision on New Years to start this blog so as to have an outlet for all my emotional insights and questions, my original intention was to have a routine writing session at least every other day. Seeing as the first post was originally written the morning of New Years Day, it has now been not a week, but 9 days since I have last written about the emotions and avenues I've been traveling down in my mind and heart. So now, I'm making the time to go over some of the things I've learned, experienced, and discovered in the past 9 days I haven't written.
     The beginning of the year was much like any other. I spent time cleaning out some of the cobwebs of my mind and heart trying to figure out what I accomplished in 2010. Not only that but as I started sweeping away the cobwebs and dirty that had become so comfortable on the crates of my memories and experienced from 2010, I started trying to figure out what I could do differently. The funny thing is I do this every year. I look at the past year and try to make a difference in the new one. The funny thing about us human beings though is that we seem to only do this about once every year, for most people right around New Years. For others, it might occur on their birthdays each year since it is a stepping stone to a new chapter in their life, or others might have other times of the year that hold significance and make them do the same respectively. However, I have come to believe, that whenever it may be, New Years or otherwise, that we don't go back later in the year and analyze what we've done thus far. With this is mind one of the first things I've decided to do with this blog is make it a priority to go back just as much as I try to move forward. To reward myself for the accomplishments I have made and continue to set new goals along the way.

      On another note, one more realistic than psychological, I really feel like I might have learned something about myself this weekend. One thing that has always been apart of me since I grew up was my church camp. Ever since about the 2nd grade I have gone to Gonzales, Texas for church camp over the summer. However, until about 4 years ago there were no activities available to our church group (Disciples of Christ Coastal Plains Area) for young adults, also known as people older than 18. In recent years however a small group of people worked hard to get something started for young adults like myself who wanted to continue to return to Gonzo as we call it to have spiritual experiences and to keep up with their church camp family. So every January we have one weekend when we all get to return. This past weekend was such.
     I had the best time, I do believe, that I have had there in many years since I first ventured to Gonzo. For the first time I took my boyfriend, Sam, with me in hopes that he would get a change to be close to God and also find some peace for himself in the place that had brought me so much comfort and level-mindedness throughout so many struggles and hard times. Luckily, not only did I feel happy and balanced for the first time in over a year, but I could tell, even though he wouldn't admit it till we left, that Sam was truly relaxed and enjoying himself and the people around him. It was truly uplifting to see him react to my church camp friends as they joked with him and tried to feel him out without pushing his buttons too hard. This only made my weekend better. I had already started feeling better due to the pure peacefulness that exists at Gonzo, but being able to share it with someone who I love made it just that much better.
     Throughout the weekend we were asked to look at how we let our personal light shine in the world, not only by what we say and do to those around us but by the things we say on our facebooks, by the faces we make at others in school or other public places, by the way we talk to those who are less fortunate or in need of advice, and in everything we do down to the smallest gesture or word. It made me think alot about my life and made me wonder if I had ever shown light on those around me. I believe, and hope, that I have but only time will tell. I want to work even harder to let me shine in a positive way and to learn to minimize the negativity and pessimism in my life and how much I put off on others.
     There is so much more I could go into, but I think I'll save it for another day, all I know is that I want to let my light shine the way God intended me to and shine it as brightly and warmly as possible so that those around me can bask in it and pass it on.